If your partner moves away from you and says mean things, you might feel mixed up, very tired, or wonder if you are good enough. This is not about you being bad. It is about their own trouble inside.
Understanding the Core Issue
Partners who pull away a lot often say mean things or attack not because they want to hurt you, but because they are scared. When they feel pushed, maybe by getting close, by big feelings, or by thinking they will lose freedom, they act in ways to push back. The mean words, finding small problems, or going cold? These are ways they try to get space. They do not want to hurt you. Think of it like their heart overreacting to something it thinks is dangerous.
How to Respond When Conflict Arises
Stay Calm, Even When It Is Hard
Your best help is your own calmness. When they attack, do not yell back or beg. That makes them pull away more. Breathe deep. Make your voice soft. Staying calm helps them feel safe enough to stop being defensive. This is not about winning. It is about stopping the same bad cycle.
Speak in Facts, Not Feelings
Partners who pull away shut down when big feelings come. Instead of saying, “You make me feel like I do not matter,” try: “When you change plans…
