I am no professional when it comes to giving commentaries on relationships, nor am I a therapist to ease the grief of losing or letting go of a partner. However, here are some truths about the breakup, to be specific, the process before the breakup.
I saw once in a thread post that a person doesn’t just lose their presence after the breakup, but also their inner self before the breakup. I would agree as well that breakups don’t happen out of the blue (referring to relationships that ended on good terms). They undergo this painstaking process, which is often overlooked by those around us who only saw the good side of it all.
First, the breakup between two healthy partners is not to be taken lightly. Just know that it is one of the biggest losses in their lives. The shared routines, the places they’ve gone to, the foods and drinks, the songs, and many more have all been shared to an extent.
When a couple decides to end things, especially a couple who have been healthy throughout. They go through this kind of thought process. Often wondering whether it is worth it to end things or whether each of them just needs space to sort things out. These breakups don’t happen because they fell out of love; it’s because they have this fear. Fear of the future, in most cases.
Second, is the organizing of words. We, being the “perfect” person we are, often lay out everything we say in hopes of covering nothing but the whole truth. This process, however, is painful, not because you have to list out and think of the write words to say, but rather it is the thought of having to accept and take an initiative to end things that is truly painful.
In my relationship, for example, I noticed my partner’s change of character not in a bad way, but in a way that doesn’t feel like him anymore. I felt that he was already tired of the relationship, maybe not because he stopped loving me, but because he, himsel,f found it hard to love himself.
That is what I had to accept when I had to lay down everything as I wrote the painful words of the breakup.
The third and last process is the actual confrontation. It’s scary to say the least. But once it happens, it all seems like a blur, as if it only took a second. But in reality, it lasted maybe even longer than the hours you think are hours. Confronting someone you love and are accepting of letting go for their betterment is not easy. There would be a moment where you feel like backing down, but then another voice pops up, reminding you of the purpose of it all, and this just doesn’t go away after one reminder; it’s a constant loop until you both finally say your goodbyes.
The goodbye isn’t a sob story (just yet), it feels like a relief and a victory. However, the ugly truth behind this so-called relief is often to be confused with acceptance. It’s just grief hidden in a form of relief. The truth of ending things on good terms hurts more than just a sting; there was no shouting, no cursing, no blaming. Just two souls whose hearts knew that it was for the better. Each of which still longed for one other. But fate and time had other plans for them.
It hurts to feel that you have no one to blame, no one to curse at, and seek revenge. Because at the end of the day, it all ended well. The love is still there, but no longer as near as you wanted it to be.
This will be all for my first blog on ending things on good terms. I still have so much to write and express on this topic. I hope you readers enjoyed this, and I hope you heal from your own battles and past loves. With so much love, Aki.
