When we hear the phrase “man up,” what message are we really sending to a boy or a man? Often: hide your pain, bury your fear, suppress your hurt, be strong, no matter what. In a world where far too many men and boys suffer in silence – where they take risks, carry burdens, and yet feel unseen, this question emerges: Have we truly remembered the male gender?
This is not about diminishing or ignoring the struggles of women. Far from it. It is about seeking balance, recognition, compassion, and care for all genders. Because when one half of humanity is neglected, the whole suffers.
- The Silent Struggles of Men and Boys
From early childhood, many boys are told: “Be strong. Don’t cry. Don’t show weakness. Provide.”
That pressure to perform, protect, endure, comes at a cost. The very phrase “man up” reinforces silence instead of healing.
Men are more likely than women to labour in the world’s hardest jobs, take physical and emotional risks, bear responsibility, but simultaneously receive far less emotional support.
Earlier this year, in the month of May, I visited several schools as part of our outreach under Teen Guide Africa, during a Risk Control Campaign and Mentorship Session to mark the International Day of the Boy Child. The smiles I saw on the boys’ faces, their repeated words: “We never thought anyone would come up with initiatives for boys. People only think of girls.” those words struck deep.
Because I saw myself in them. Growing up as the first male child in an African home, fatherless from age four, from a very low-income family, I had to assume responsibilities early. I took odd jobs as a child, endured abuse from guardians, had nowhere safe to run. Standing before those students with tears lodged in my eyes, I became the “strong” one. I encouraged them:
“You are loved. You are valued. You matter.”
And in that moment I committed: I will build initiatives for boys, so they feel seen. So they know they matter. I pray for like-minds and support to make it real.
2. Behind the Walls: When Recognition Becomes Crime
During my visit to the Ijebu‑Ode Correctional Centre in Ogun State, Nigeria, I confronted a sobering reality: 668 inmates, but only 27 were female. Just imagine it, for every female inmate, more than 20 were male.
If you dig deeper, you’ll find this not just disturbing, it’s telling. Many of the males in that facility, if investigated, might confesse they were there trying to impress women, trying to feel seen and valued by women. Because being a man without money in some circles means being tagged “lazy”, even when you are doing your best.
Globally, the numbers reflect this imbalance:
• According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC), in 2022 there were approximately 10.8 million male prisoners and 0.7 million female prisoners worldwide. That’s nearly 94 % of the prison population being men.
• Another source notes: “men are more likely to be arrested, prosecuted and sent to jail.”
When young males feel invisible in regular society, their sense of value erodes. When they feel that only violence, risk, or crime will get them attention – then tragedy becomes more likely.
3. Who Gets Help? Who Gets Heard?
When a woman lodges a complaint of sexual assault, it is often taken seriously (and should be). But when a man does, the response may be different, dismissed, questioned, told to “be a man”.
This isn’t competition over suffering, this is about acknowledging that male vulnerability exists. Men can be victims too. Men can feel unsafe, unseen, unheard.
Our cultural expectation is that men must always be protectors, providers – but what happens when the man becomes the wounded? Who protects the protector?
4. The Alarm Bells: Suicide, Silence & Suffering
The statistics are stark:
• The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that the suicide rate among men globally was about 12.6 per 100,000, versus 5.7 per 100,000 for women.
• One analysis noted that globally, about 1,337 men die by suicide daily, compared to 641 women – implying roughly two men for every woman.
Why? Because financial pressure, emotional loneliness, expectation to always “be strong” all tip the scales. Many men don’t seek help, don’t feel entitled to help, don’t believe anyone is listening.
5. Raising the Male Gender Means Raising the Whole Society
Imagine a world where boys grow up feeling seen, heard, valued. Where fathers feel their emotional world is recognized. Where men find healthy outlets for strength and vulnerability.
If that world exists, we could dramatically reduce:
• Gang and cult violence
• Kidnapping, drug-trafficking, fraud
• Rape, assault, and murder
• Emotional breakdowns, suicides, isolation
Because when men heal, they don’t need to hurt others. When fathers emotionally show up, children thrive. When boys know their value, they build lives, not risk-lives.
Supporting men is not about reducing support for women. It is about completing the picture of a healthy society. If we neglect half the population, we weaken the whole.
6. A Cry from the Male Gender
“What did we do wrong?” a father wonders. He spent his life providing, only to end up lonely when children favour their mother. The boy, told to hide his tears, is left with no outlet.
This is not an accusation, it is a plea from the quiet corners:
“We are lonely, bored and feeling unwanted.”
This is the hidden voice of so many men.
It is a cry for recognition.
It is a call: What about us?
7. A Message to Men and Boys
Now you know what society expects of you.
Now you also know how society sometimes overlooks you.
This is not a call to selfishness, it is a call to self-value. Because if you don’t value yourself, no one else will truly see you.
• Speak. When you hurt. When you struggle.
• Seek help. When the burden feels too heavy.
• Mentor younger boys. Be the voice you wished you heard.
• Remember: your strength isn’t hiding your hurt, it’s owning your story.
• Advocate. Create change. Be the man who builds rather than hides.
8. A Call to Society
To educators, faith groups, NGOs, policymakers, mothers, fathers:
• Invest in programs for boys and men’s emotional literacy, mentorship, life-skills, career support.
• Make male-focused mental-health services a priority.
• Recognize that men are also victims, also vulnerable, also neglected.
• Stop seeing gender equity solely as “women’s issue”. It’s human issue. It’s societal issue.
When we lift the male gender, we lift the foundations of families, communities, nations.
Conclusion
This is more than an article.
It is a rescue mission for the boys and men drowning in silence.
When the male gender is seen, affirmed, healed – we all win.
Stronger fathers. Safer communities. Kinder hearts.
Let every voice – male, female, non-binary – whisper, then shout:
“We see you. We care. We will act.”
Thank you for reading.
By Ransome Kingsley (RBK)
