The Love I Never Received but Always Dreamed Of
Love was something I used to believe was the hardest thing to find — until I met you.
I thought love was something you had to feel, not know. Love is supposed to be unconditional and unpredictable. I believed love was two people, unconditionally and inevitably, choosing each other.
But now I know love can be one-sided. Love can be a one-way street — one person falling completely, while the other never feels the same. Love is soul-tying.
For me, love was just a word I used without meaning. I had never truly experienced it — until I met you. I was never against love, but love always seemed to be against me.
The feeling you gave me was indescribable — almost too good to be true. And it didn’t take long to realise, it was too good to be true. The connection I thought we had, the chemistry I believed in… but there were also all the blaring sirens I chose to ignore — just to feel that floating, breathless feeling you gave me.
No one had ever shown so much interest in me before. I was scared… but so excited to finally experience the love I had seen in movies, read in books, heard about from friends and family — even the love I dreamed about.
But my “love story” didn’t have a happy ending.
Now I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind blank, wondering where I went wrong. What I said, what I did — what I could have done to still have us today. But then… I also wonder why I didn’t walk away sooner.
Most love stories end happily ever after — but ours ended in silence. Strangers now, even if we wanted to speak, we wouldn’t know how. My love story was the one-way kind. It was my first, so I tried so hard to get everything right. I knew I’d make mistakes — but never mistakes that could break his heart the way he broke mine.
Maybe I cared too much. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I loved too hard, too fast. Maybe something scared him… or maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.
I knew it wasn’t love when he refused to look me in the eye, refused to hold my hand… when his words and actions convinced me into things I didn’t always want to do.
I knew it wasn’t love when it became us doing things I didn’t always want to do — over and over — no matter how many times I said, “I’m too tired,” or “I’m too drunk.”
That’s when the sirens were blaring so loud I couldn’t hear my own thoughts.
But love does things to you. Love made me never say no — because I was afraid of losing you.
But there was no love in you when you were with me — only lust.
In the end, love brought me back to you… and lust brought you back to me. But my love blinded me to your lust. My love couldn’t keep you around — lust sent you wandering.
Your lust left me damaged. Hopefully, my love left you knowing that true love is rare — and it isn’t easy to come by.
Love is something you know. Lust is something you feel.
Love is a story. Lust is an act.
But there’s one thing we both know — our love story is over. And it will never be rewritten.
