I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I met Nic. It was December 2020, I was 27 and living on my own in south-west London after coming out of a three-year relationship with a man who was nice but wasn’t right for me.
My type was basically men who were taller than me (I’m 6 foot). I’d been on a few dates with a lovely man who worked as a debt collector but I wasn’t feeling it. One night I thought to myself, I can’t date men any more. I’d always been interested in dating people other than men so I thought, why don’t I try now, and changed my Hinge settings to women. All expectations of what I wanted went out of the window. I just started swiping.
The first person I matched with was Nic – an Australian speech pathologist who used they/them pronouns, played rugby and had been living in London for three years. I remember getting to the door of the pub for our first date and thinking, “Oh God, what have I done?” I was wearing leggings and a baggy jumper and hadn’t really stopped to think about what I was wearing or the fact that I was about to go on a date. Fight or flight was my state at the time.
Nic walked in wearing a chequered shirt and a long camel jacket and I remember thinking they looked really cool – but it was the Aussie accent that sold me. I was so nervous I didn’t take my coat off. I just bombarded Nic with a million questions and excused myself after less than two hours because I’d arranged to go for a roast dinner with my parents. We gave each other an awkward hug and I phoned a friend to tell her the date had been a disaster.
Nic and I shared a few messages after that but I bumped into my ex a few days later and it threw me so much I stopped replying. After a few weeks I told friends I wished I hadn’t ghosted Nic and they encouraged me to send a follow-up. Nic didn’t reply, which was fair enough. I figured I had nothing to lose so eventually sent a third message saying how sorry I was. Nic eventually agreed to meet.
Then I got sick with Covid, which was a disaster. It was January 2021, the depths of winter, so once I was feeling better I invited Nic to come and sit at a social distance outside my flat. I was a lot more comfortable and confident this time, and we ended up sitting outside for three hours, talking non-stop despite the hypothermia conditions. I had a friend staying with me and she spent half the date with her ear pressed up to the window trying to listen in.
Things moved quickly after that. About a month in I was tidying my room after Nic stayed over and realised they’d left their Vegemite pyjamas under the pillow. I texted Nic to let them know. Nic replied saying it wasn’t an accident; they’d meant to leave the pyjamas there. This incredible feeling washed over me, like butterflies. I knew it was love – a love I’d never felt before. A forever kind of love. I got very drunk that weekend and tried to say it out loud but it didn’t come out right. When I did eventually say it properly, Nic left me in a six-week limbo before saying it back.
Nic’s hesitance was probably because they were due to move back to Australia in a few months. Nic had never hidden that fact from me and said they hadn’t been in the market for a serious relationship – they’d said yes to that second date because they were intrigued. I remember being quite bold quite early on into dating and asking Nic over message whether, if they met the right person, they’d consider taking that person back to Australia. Nic said something about not wanting to get too involved or hurt one another – but it was too late. I was already all in.
“What am I going to do when you leave?” I asked Nic on Bournemouth pier during our first weekend away together. “Come with me,” was Nic’s response. That was it, really. Within weeks I had a flight booked.
Nic moved to Sydney that September – two months ahead of me, which was horrendous. I moved out that November and, aside from a couple of what-have-I-done moments when I didn’t have a job in my first month, we haven’t looked back. Since then we’ve married, bought our first flat in Sydney’s inner west and acquired our cavoodle, Billie, who is the centre of our lives. I miss home, of course, but we’ve built a better life here than either of us could have imagined.
I have no idea where we’ll be in a few years’ time. We’d love to start a family and live on the coast somewhere. But I don’t mind where we end up as long as we’re together. We are family now. Nic says they felt that change much earlier in our relationship but for me the shift since getting married has been seismic.
Before I met Nic, it was hard to imagine finding anyone – I never thought I was good enough. Then Nic came out of nowhere and three years later here we are.
