From a person who knows NOTHING about platonic love.
I’ve shared my experiences of what friendship could look like. Of course, I’d see them in films as the main character always has this sidekick or this person who would love them and be willing to support them through it all. I have always wondered what that was like, but I know I’d be lying deep down.
What is friendship? Is it something that’s supposed to be more than the gut-wrenching, unfathomable, extraordinary love? The love of gods where man and woman fight against every reason just to pierce their scorching parts to where they truly belong? Is it supposed to be more than those late-night butterflies when you see that person you imagine spending the rest of your life with? Is it more than the thought of marrying someone so raw and undeniably irresistible? I’ll never know because I never really knew what it meant to be friends with someone. I never knew what friendship meant because I always looked for the romantic kind of love, until now.
Knowing me, a subversive romantic who longs to be analyzed by an eleventh grader who knows nothing about biology under a light microscope during 8th grade biology class, I want all my knooks and crannies to be deciphered. I want my mysteries to be solved. I deserve someone who puts me under a spotlight and gets asked a million questions to be 1% known. I want all my flaws to be combed and put on a telegraph. I want my bones to be counted, my cells to be fleshed out, and my blood to be drunk from the vein. My warmth, my ignitia, and my boundaries. I know the things I’d want my future wife or girlfriend to do. I know the standards I have for myself and for her.
I even wrote a Google Doc for it. Unfortunately, I deleted it before out of anger, but I realize I do need a blueprint like that.
So, what do I look for in a wife? A partner?
- Adores me.
- Cooks!
- Loves to sing (and duet with me :3 )
- Loves music like it’s her lifeline. Loves my music taste, genuinely. Knows and loves the songs I do (of course, I’d learn to learn her music taste too!)
- EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
- Someone imperfect, but tries and tries and tries (till she eventually achieves the kind of person she wants to be)
- Financially responsible (spending is fine as long as it’s regulated)
- Sensitive and Emphatic.
- Has clear dreams (we can all figure it out, I just need to know she knows she has a purpose and is willing to do anything to find out)
- Has a soft spot for cats, animals in general
- Treats me like a baby but a king as well
- WANTS. TO. STUDY. ME. AND. MEMORIZE. ME.
- WANTS. AND. ACTIVELY. HELPS. ME. STUDY. HER. AND. MEMORIZE. HER.
- Loves deep talks and talking about nothing and everything at the same time! (small talk drains me the FUCK out)
- Non-judgemental. Accepts me for who I am, but MOTIVATES me to be better, actively.
- Knows right and wrong and motivates me to be firm on those as well
- Educates me, but in a way that doesn’t make me feel dumb
- WEIRD. Not the weird, creepy, horrendous kind but the one who is NOT afraid to let me see all those silly quirks 😀
- Family-oriented, has responsibilities with her siblings or her parents, and it’s normal to have issues in the family, I don’t discredit that, but she is resilient and has respect still.
- Highly opinionated, what do I mean by this? I mean that she is firm in her beliefs and principles that nobody can convince her otherwise (if ever she is wrong, she is WILLING to listen and understand other perspectives)
- CHALANT. EXPRESSIVE. God, I’m tired of having to accept the bare minimum at this point. There’s nothing wrong with being nonchalant (for others lol), but since I’m naturally very expressive, I believe I deserve someone who is EXTREMELY expressive that she overshadows my affection, because then I get to double it down too!
- Wants to learn from me, asks what I study or know, and is genuinely interested in what I have to say
- Makes plans, doesn’t wait for me to ask her out, does so herself
- Can handle and ADMIRE tough conversations about herself and in the future, during our relationship
- GROWTH MINDSET.
- Focuses on the good things more than the bad
- TAKES ACCOUNTABILITY
- Loves to make me a part of her day, even if she’s busy
- LOVES. ME. FOR. ME. Not her idea of me.
- Genuinely romantic, not the whirlwind kind, but the consistent and calm kind.
- STAYS TRUE TO HER WORDS. Follow what she says.
- Proactive in Communicating. COMMUNICATES AND COMPREHENDS, AND FOLLOWS THROUGH.
- Talks about her childhood, her traumas, her pain, her dreams, without blaming herself too much or the people around her. Knowing it was to teach her how to be a better person.
- Creates a safe space for me and her to be at peace with who we are, authentic and sacred.
- Knows what she wants in a partner and her life (as much as she can!)
- Talks softly and with care to me, even if she’s upset
- Never raises her voice
- Teaches me slowly how to be myself
- Someone I can sincerely look up to
- Wears her heart on her sleeve, only for me to see, and is loyal.
There are a lot more things, but notice how I didn’t state anything physically? I’m in it for the heart and the soul. I prefer seeing a person’s actions rather than what comes out of their mouths because I used to do the same.
It’s manipulative, it causes distrust, and it provokes misunderstandings.
As someone who adores words since it’s one of my love languages, I now prefer acts of service. Why? It’s easy to say words. Anyone can say the right words at the right time. Gifted writers could write so eloquently with flowery words that tug your heart, and that’s exactly what it’s meant to do.
It’s supposed to make you doubt yourself, but that’s not what I’m doing here.
I want realism. I want accountability. I’m not a child anymore. Every decision has a consequence, and I’d want my choices to lead to a good future. I want to be authentic because living like this kills me.
I want a love that consumes me. I want a love that makes it hard to breathe because I’m drowning in love. I want love. For what it truly is. Real love.
And I’m getting it.
I never knew what friendship is like, which is why I try so hard to look for romantic love. I finally get a taste of what love is like without having to beg for it. I finally have friends with whom I truly feel I can be myself. They teach me that I’m someone worth getting to know, we have deep talks, and I feel understood. Like, what do you mean you’re curious, even if you have no intentions to date me?
Friendship to me seemed boring. I thought it wouldn’t satisfy my soul, but boy, was I wrong. Now, I actually can breathe. I feel seen. I feel expansive, and I’m genuinely interested in knowing these people without any romantic intentions. It feels safe. There are boundaries, and I’m happy that there are. It feels weird to feel this way after spending my whole life looking for the one, and I probably would still have to undergo a whole detox of romance. I probably would still struggle to differentiate a healthy kind of love to a toxic one but I got a compass now of people who don’t tolerate my bullshit HAHAHA
Thank you to the one who has stayed with me for years; there were many times I’ve taken your presence for granted. I want to sincerely apologize; only now am I learning how to celebrate you as a person. We had history before, wherein we both had to realize our realities and settle into them. I loved you, and you loved me regardless of the consequences. Eventually, you woke up and woke me up too. We then realized we were better off as friends. Ever since then, you’ve been a constant friend, even though there were multiple times that I had to push you away. I’m sorry. I realize how lucky I am to have a friend like you. Despite you being non-expressive and nonchalant (hay), I recognize your heart and how you’ve always been a kind person inside and out. I purposefully aim to do so for you as well. You’ve always been my stable rock in a world filled with chaos. Thank you. I love you for as long as our friendship has been.
Thank you to the one I met on May 3. To the one who said, “Let me show you what platonic love is.” I met you in a daze. You were studying for your exams, and you still included me in your day and nights. You were struggling, but still persevered. You were trying to right your wrongs. You set the standard for me as well. Fugglers weren’t my thing, they scared me, and I would always wonder — why would anyone buy this? Until I saw how much you loved them, I saw your smile, and I loved seeing it. It was genuine. You knew what you liked and weren’t ashamed. Thank you that you taught me how a friend, well, not just a friend but someone who cares about me, should act with me. I’m honored to have known such a friend who has her shit together (most of the time) There’s stability and calmnest in you. You made me feel seen in ways I’ve never known before. I appreciate it most. I genuinely hope I don’t lose you as a person and as a true friend :> Keep telling me when I’m being dumb, in the nicest way, please!!!
I didn’t ask for these people, and yet somehow, they found a way into my life. I have no doubt I’ll find the love that I deserve as well. It’s crazy, but I believe you can have platonic soulmates too.
I made this insanely informal as a sign of appreciation for the ones who set me straight. Thank you, guys. I know I’ve been all over the place but you stay, thank you, truly. Still, I have some rewiring of my brain to do. I’m one step there, and I’ll do everything I can to keep going. Keep growing. Keep finding myself.
Come to Your Senses is a song that I relate to in Tick Tick Boom. Hopefully, I will someday!
