Name: Roster dating.
Age: The term seems to be about a decade old; the practice is much older.
Appearance: Hectic.
What is it? It’s dating more than one person at a time.
You mean what we used to call cheating? No, more like what we used to call playing the field.
If it’s not new, why are we talking about it? Because gen Z have cottoned on to it.
Them again. I’m afraid so.
Let me guess: have they taken a messy arrangement born of indecision, insecurity and poor scheduling, and recast it as something intentional? Intentional and growth-enhancing.
How so? Because roster dating is, at its core, a journey of personal discovery. “One of the biggest pros of roster dating is that you can learn so much about yourself,” one dating expert told Vice.
If you ask me, these gen Zers know too much about themselves already. The important thing is to be open and honest about your intentions with everyone on your dating roster.
You mean you tell them? Not necessarily – you may simply assume that everyone on your roster also has a roster. But you shouldn’t lie.
How many potential suitors make up a decent roster, then? The dating coach Sara Tick recommends keeping it to five or fewer.
Five? How am I supposed to keep track of five separate people? The idea is that they each fulfil a specific need: an exciting one, a devoted one, an artistic one, a rich one …
Then how am I supposed to find five completely different people who like me? They might not all like you – they might just have an open spot on their roster they need to fill.
Let’s just call this what it really is: an inability to commit on any level. Commitment isn’t necessarily the destination with roster dating – it’s about letting go of expectations, and not wasting all your energy on a single connection.
Fine, but all this presumes that dating is fun, when really it’s anxiety-ridden, soul-destroying and expensive. The last is certainly true – research indicates that the average cost of a gen Z date has risen to $205 (£154).
In that case, I can’t even afford a roster of three. Reading between the lines, you get the impression that the singles who swear by roster dating are never the ones paying.
Do say: “I really think we’ve got something very special, but I have limited availability this month.”
Don’t say: “Of course I’ll marry you, Frank! Sorry, I mean Fred.”
