The Secret Dhinn power of the last quarter moon phase
It has been rising in me all day.
And now, once again, the pinning returns.
I’m tired of fighting it — tired of holding it back.
Here it comes. AHHHHH!!!
I whisper to myself, “Stay rooted. Stay grounded. Don’t go into the ache. Don’t go into the madness.”
But the ache knows my name — an ancient name no one else can hear.
I can smell the blood in its memory, taste the juicy metallic pull of it.
Resisting only makes it worse. My body tightens, and the ache begins.
Every last quarter waning moon this happens.
My body, my mind, my soul aches for what my spirit refuses:
vengeance, blood, desire, sex, power.
Maybe you’ve felt it too — and maybe you don’t understand it any more than me.
I learned long ago that this ache is ancestral.
My elders taught me to control it, to repress it. Hide it.
This ache does not care about status, money, or prestige.
It haunts me like a lost soul calling for salvation.
How can I help another soul when I can barely help myself?
But I can help myself — I know that now.
My spirit says no because of what I was taught:
that resisting keeps me noble, blessed, elevated.
My elders warned me that if I ever surrendered to the ache,
I would never return to “normal.”
Tonight, I am done with “normal.”
Under this waning moon, the same pain I’ve experienced since childhood returns, Heavier now, growing stronger as I grow deeper into my soul.
I resist, as always, and my eyes swell with tears that I refuse to let fall.
“I need… I need to satisfy my soul.” Still, I resist.
My elders are gone from the flesh,
and many have returned to tell me they were wrong.
Yet I remain cautious — for my children, for my lineage.
Fear has impeded my movements.
I’m unsure how to move forward safely.
Is there safety in surrendering to the ache?
I’ve never allowed myself to find out.
Have You?
Someone is here with me — the soul of my soul.
I call her AlleYah. You may know her.
She is an ancient ancestor who fought entire wars without ever lifting a sword. I remember because I was right there too, the soul of her soul.
I have begun to let AlleYah teach me, remind me, even comfort me.
The waning moon is rising again, and the ache is here.
I resist, and pain follows.
AlleYah whispers to me, “Breathe.” So, I breathe.
And with each breath, I let the ache move through me instead of against me. With each breath, I stop resisting.
I can feel my body pulsating and creating rhythms.
I hear the lost souls calling for vengeance — for freedom.
So, I call on Angels and my Lord to feel my love,
to drink from it, to empower themselves with the overflow now moving through me.
Balancé my energy.
I know this is far from ordinary.
On any other moonlit night, my energy is somewhat hopeful. I feel full and filled with life. No craving, no aching.
But when the last quarter moon arrives and the waning begins,
The fullness I thought I had dissolves.
Was it ever real?
Or was it an illusion?
Yes, an illusion simply crafted by my elders keeping my madness centered for normality.
Tonight though, I can see clearly.
I see myself, my children, my family, my sis stars and their Lords —
all sitting in a glass void, waiting, suffering?
Ain’t no way!!!
This ache has lived in me too long.
Under this summer waning moon, and every moon phase after,
I allow my soul to be fed what it needs.
I allow the ache to be tended to, honored, and satisfied.
I allow my heart and soul to be fulfilled.
I allow my soul to be FREEDOM.
And I drink.
