When I came back to Melbourne, I found myself sitting quietly in church.
I didn’t say anything out loud.
I just… sat there quietly. I think God understood me better than I understood myself.
I needed the peace, even when I don’t fully understand the situation or how I truly feel.
In some way or another, God kind of answered my questions.
In catholic we say that God works in mysterious ways. So I found myself in a kitchen on a Sunday, cooking with my partner.
I felt like cooking is always about performing. I’m always on guard when I cook, and I hate messing up.
But we messed it up so badly. The food was too salty, even for him.
I remember feeling so bad, thinking to myself that I’m such a bad girlfriend. I ruined it.
But he just looked at me and said, “It’s okay.”
And we laughed. We laughed so much, even though the kitchen was messy, even though nothing went right.
It was my first time cooking with my guard down. I didn’t perform, nor try to impress anyone, even myself.
And that night while lying on my bed, I had a quiet thought that Maybe if I didn’t go through everything I went through…
I wouldn’t be laughing like this.
I wouldn’t be loved like this.
Maybe I wouldn’t have met him.
Of course, I can still go back and chase my dreams. That part of me isn’t gone.
But I think what I’m starting to understand is that sometimes, everything really does fall into place.
I needed those three years of love, pain, and confusion just learn about myself.
To learn what love is… and what it is not.
At the end of the day, I truly learn that love is not something you have to perform for. It’s not something you have to shrink yourself to keep.
And when you meet your person, you just know.
I met mine, as my best friend. My safe place. My everything.
And I think… he found his too.
And so my final act of love is praying and choosing peace.
I stop fighting it because I’ve grieved, I’ve been angry, and I’ve been lost.
Now, I choose peace.
I let it go, not because it didn’t matter, but because it mattered enough to finally set it free.
He will always be a part of my story, a chapter that shaped me deeply.
But he is no longer where my story stays.
That chapter had to end so I could meet the love that was meant to stay.
