‘Retromancing’: A Throwback Answer To Everyone’s Online Romance Fatigue

We live in a world of instant gratification. Sushi arrives at our door in minutes, a gorgeous coat can be bought with a few taps, and dating apps let us feel attractive from the comfort of our couch. With everything available instantly, it’s no surprise that some singles are craving the opposite — a rewind to romance, old-school style.

Inspired by “Friends” episodes and parents beginning sentences with “Back in my day…,” daters are chasing grand gestures, simpler dates and less technology. Enter “retromancing,” which could be the most romantic trend yet — or, as some critics argue, just another excuse to be a flaky cheapskate. Let’s find out.

Think of retromancing as a return to old-school dating — essentially anything we could’ve done in the ’90s or earlier. Think homemade meals instead of reservations, phone calls over text messages, and handwritten love notes rather than extravagant gifts. The term was coined by dating site Plenty of Fish, and they probably explain it better than we ever could.

“Retromancing is a throwback to old-school romance,” said Michael Kaye, dating expert at Plenty of Fish. “It’s about nostalgic, intentional gestures like handwritten notes, mixtapes, surprise flowers, holding doors open or cooking a homemade meal. Our research found that many singles are inspired by their parents’ or grandparents’ love stories — and even Gen Z is leading the charge, with over a third embracing this softer, more sentimental style of dating.”

It could be planning a picnic for a second date, sending emails instead of texts, or even creating scavenger hunts for anniversary gifts.

Plenty of Fish found that 38% of respondents are cooking homemade meals for the perfect date, while 34% are choosing to call rather than text a loved one.

Leading the retromance revolution? Over a third (34%) of Gen Zers are embracing this tender throwback in full force.

As with “freak matching,” it’s worth taking a clear-eyed look at any new relationship trend. Just because something is new doesn’t automatically make it better — a truth anyone who once owned a glorious iPod Nano can appreciate.

So is retromancing actually better for couples? Maybe it really does make dating feel simpler and more romantic. Or maybe it’s just another convenient excuse for low-effort behavior — à la “shrekking.”

According to Kaye, though, retromancing is actually strengthening couples, “especially emotionally.”

“Retromancing slows things down in a culture that often rushes connection,” he explained. “These gestures signal care, effort and thoughtfulness — which are foundational for long-term relationships. When someone takes the time to write a note or make a phone call instead of sending a text, it creates a deeper sense of being valued. As long as it’s genuine and not performative, ‘retromancing’ tends to deepen emotional bonds rather than distract from them.”

Texting someone all day, every day, can quickly create a sense of closeness that isn’t always authentic to where the relationship actually is — speaking from personal experience. A phone call, on the other hand, allows you to stay present in your own life and then connect with intention.

Jaime Bronstein, relationship expert at Dating.com, agreed that retromancing can have a positive impact.

“Retromancing generally strengthens couples by fostering emotional closeness and reinforcing the feeling of being truly seen and heard,” she said. “Thoughtful gestures create shared memories and moments of nostalgia, which can deepen connection over time.”

“It also encourages appreciation and gratitude between partners,” Bronstein continued, “reminding them of the value they bring to each other and helping keep the relationship emotionally meaningful.”

While dinner at a fancy French restaurant is lovely, so is someone cooking their favorite meal for you — or taking you to see a film they’ve been excited about for weeks. Retromancing might seem cheap on the surface, but maybe it’s really about recalibrating the outsize role of money in modern dating.

I’ve known friends to scoff when a date didn’t pay for dinner or suggested a walk in the park, and if the headlines inspired by 2025’s “Materialists” are anything to go by, finances are now considered a key part of dating. So how do you tell whether someone is retromancing you or demonstrating “minimal effort” behavior? What’s the difference between simple gestures and thoughtless ones?

According to Bronstein, it all comes down to intention and effort, not price.

“Retromancing is rooted in thoughtfulness and genuine care,” she explained, “while a lack of commitment tends to show up as minimal effort or gestures that feel routine or obligatory. Someone who isn’t fully invested may avoid romantic gestures altogether, or focus on things that don’t actually matter to their partner.”

Consistency matters, too.

“Retromancing involves showing up regularly and making an effort even when it’s not the easiest option,” Bronstein continued. “It’s about actions rather than words. By contrast, an uncommitted partner often only makes gestures when it suits them.”

And finally, there’s personalization.

“Retromancing reflects attentiveness — understanding a partner’s preferences, interests and shared memories,” she said. “Something as simple as creating a playlist tied to meaningful moments can feel deeply special. When commitment is lacking, gestures are often generic, or chosen without considering what the partner would actually enjoy.”

So to recap: Crafting a playlist of their favorite Taylor Swift songs because they’re a Swiftie? That’s retromancing. Bringing a homemade dessert instead of wine for dinner? Retromancing again. Meeting for a dog walk because you both love your pups more than anything else? Retromancing (and “choremancing” too, but that’s a different story).

But never replying to texts, refusing calls, or claiming they don’t “do” regular communication? Poor communication skills. Writing poems but refusing to define the relationship or meet your friends? Performative (and annoying) behavior. Buying flowers to make up for forgetting your birthday or bailing on your last date? Dump them.

Bronstein’s final takeaway:

“A useful question to ask is: Is this coming from genuine thoughtfulness, or from convenience?”