At the start of every new year, many of us think about how to make our lives better going forward. Perhaps we want to lose weight or stop drinking or stay off of our cell phones. If only we had more willpower, the thinking goes, we could meet our goals and become happier and healthier people.
But a new study suggests that we could have that backwards. Instead of self-control or willpower leading us toward greater well-being in the future, greater well-being increases our ability to have more self-control for meeting our goals.
“A struggle with self-control may not necessarily indicate a fundamental deficiency in willpower or grit,” says research fellow Shuna Khoo of the National University of Singapore, first author of the study.
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“Instead, that struggle could be a sign of a depleted state of well-being, which can stem from many life circumstances.”
Well-being and self-control
In the study, two groups of participants (one of Asian adults, one of Americans) filled out surveys measuring their level of self-control and happiness over time, to see if their self-control at one point led to greater well-being later on (and vice versa). The Asian adults (average age 30) filled out surveys every six months; the American adults (average age 41) were surveyed every three months.
People in both groups reported on how well they employed strategies like inhibition (e.g., the ability to resist temptations), initiation (e.g., not wasting time before getting to a project), and continuation (e.g., being consistent in their actions) to have better self-control.
For well-being measures, researchers asked the Asian participants how much they agreed with statements like, “I am happy”; “I appreciate my own self-worth”; and “I am appreciative of life” (all more culturally-sensitive aspects of well-being), while American participants reported on things like how optimistic, energetic, and happy they were. All participants also provided demographic information: their age, gender, and education level.
The researchers then analyzed the relationship between reported self-control and well-being. In both groups, happiness and self-control measures were correlated, so that people with more self-control at one point in time tended to be happier, too (and vice-versa). This was not a big surprise, as prior research has shown that the two seem to go hand in hand.
However, when looking within individuals over time, the researchers found that a person with greater self-control at one point in time did not report having greater well-being at later points in time. Conversely, people who had greater well-being at one point in time did experience greater self-control later on. This was true no matter the age, gender, or education level of the person involved.
For Lile Jai, another coauthor of the study, this suggests having greater self-control is not necessarily a predictor of later well-being, as many may assume. Jai says:
A prevailing narrative, both in popular culture and some psychological literature, posits that self-control is the primary engine of a good life—that through willpower and discipline, we attain well-being. Our findings, consistent across two distinct cultural samples and different time intervals, point to the reverse. They tell us that psychological well-being and feeling good daily may, in fact, be an essential precursor to better self-control.
Why would feeling good lead to better self-control? Jai points to Barbara Fredrickson’s “broaden-and-build” theory of positive emotions, which suggests that having positive feelings increases our psychological resources. This means that when feeling good, we can be more creative, cognitively flexible, and open to new experiences, helping us manage difficult better—including the “work” of avoiding temptation and stopping ourselves from veering away from our goals.
“In essence, feeling good helps build the psychological capital that supports self-control,” says Jai.
Where does willpower come from?
This is important to know for many reasons, says Khoo. For example, those of us who wish to change our behavior should focus less on increasing our willpower and more on strengthening our overall well-being. We may want to prioritize activities that foster positive feelings, a sense of purpose, and social connection, she says, rather than knuckling our way through.
“These are not indulgent distractions from the ‘real work’ of self-control; our research suggests they may be essential to it, creating fertile ground for self-control and discipline to grow,” says Khoo.
Though this study focused only on adults, it may also have implications for children. Knowing how self-control and well-being are connected can help point parents toward better responses to their children who have trouble resisting temptation, says Jai.
Suppose a child is tempted to sneak a cookie before dinnertime, potentially spoiling their appetite. Rather than a parent feeling frustrated by their child’s “lack of self-control” or punishing them in some way, they may want to see this as an opportunity to get curious about a child’s underlying need—whether it’s simply hunger or, possibly, a reaction to feeling stressed at school or disconnected from peers.
“A tired, stressed, or unhappy child will naturally have fewer psychological resources to control their impulses,” says Khoo “Therefore, creating a safe, supportive, and positive environment is not just good for a child’s happiness. It may also be one of the best ways to help develop their self-regulation skills.”
Though the researchers’ results could use future corroboration through experimental studies, they do suggest we may be going about our New Year’s resolutions with the wrong focus.
Instead of trying to “stop a bad habit,” JIa says, we may want to increase our daily well-being, instead. This could involve finding activities that are more restorative and fulfilling for us—like practicing gratitude, connecting with supportive friends, or aiming for greater meaning or purpose in life. By building up our reserves, we will be helping ourselves to have more energy, fight off temptations better, and stay on course for breaking bad habits.
“When you find yourself struggling to adhere to your goals, I would encourage you to resist the impulse to label yourself as undisciplined or unworthy. Instead, consider it a signal to check in on your own state of being,” says Jai. “Feeling good is not just the destination. It is a critical part of the journey.”
