8 Signs That You’re Ready

Even if you’ve been with someone for a long time, and even if you feel absolutely confident you’re going to spend your life with them, it can be tricky to know exactly when to get engaged. In a way, that’s a good thing—it’s a big decision and one that you definitely don’t want to take lightly; on the other hand, it can be unsettling to take such a big leap of faith. Ultimately, you can never be 100 percent certain about the best time to pop the question (or say yes to a ring from your partner)—you just have to make sure that you’re ready to try. 

If you’re wondering when to get engaged, know that there are a few clear to help you discern if you and your partner are ready to take the plunge, which is why we tapped Yasmine Saad, an award-winning licensed clinical psychologist, to help explain the telltale signs that your relationship is ready for the next step. While these signs tend to vary from couple to couple, at their core, they’re elements that every relationship needs to succeed in the long term—no matter what your goals, personalities, or dynamics look like. 

Wondering when to get engaged? Here, eight telltale signs that you’ve reached that moment—plus, what to do next.

Signs You’re Ready to Get Engaged

If you and your partner are thinking about getting engaged, here are the signs that your relationship is ready, according to an expert.

You’ve Talked About Marriage

While there are certain aspects of the proposal that can certainly be kept a secret, the decision itself to get engaged shouldn’t be a surprise. You or your partner might conceal details regarding the date, time, and place of the event, but the two of you should have already discussed the possibility of marriage before popping the question. Simply put, if you and your significant other are really ready to move forward in your relationship, you should have already had a conversation about tying the knot, where you express your mutual desire to host a wedding in the future and commit to one another for a lifetime.

An Engagement Doesn’t Feel Scary

It’s totally normal to feel a little nervous about any big life decision (and getting engaged and married certainly fall into that category). A few nerves and butterflies are totally normal, and it’s important to note that these emotions don’t necessarily mean you’re doubting your relationship. That being said, you’ll know when to get engaged if the thought of an engagement is more exciting than scary. It might feel big and surreal, but it won’t feel terrifying. When you can imagine your future with someone and it feels natural—and even exhilarating—that’s a really good sign that you’re in the right place to take the leap. 

You Feel Most Comfortable With Your Partner

If you’re going to be with someone for the long haul, you need to be comfortable with them. But comfort doesn’t just mean staying in with your partner to watch Netflix and eat pizza on the couch (although that’s important, too). This concept applies to every aspect of your relationship, like feeling safe to be your authentic self and voice your opinions. If you’re wondering when to get engaged, the two of you need to feel like you can be honest and genuine with one another in order to progress further.

You Think as a Unit

Viewing and referring to one another as a unit rather than an individual is a telltale sign you’re ready to get engaged. Saad explains that when couples think and talk about the future using “we” and “our” rather than “I” and “me,” they’re one step closer to upgrading their relationship status. “This shows that they’ve made two important transitions: The first one is from thinking about themselves to including the other, and the second transition is from two individuals bonded in a relationship to a unit that works together,” she shares. When the two of you discuss your union, using terms like “our house” and “our children” indicate that you’re planning to spend your lives together. 

Your Communication Is in Great Shape

There is no skill more important ahead of an engagement—and eventually, marriage—than strong communication. If the two of you can talk through matters in a reasonable and effective way, then you’re on the right track for a proposal. With the ability to have sensible conversations and listen attentively to one another, you and your partner will handle anything that life throws out you—work stress, financial problems, fights with your in-laws, and so forth.

You Share Similar Values

You’ll know when to get engaged when you and your partner are aligned on several core values, like children, religion, trust, communication, respect, and boundaries. “This will ensure that they remain bonded despite other differences,” Saad says. “It also ensures that each party can be fulfilled, as living by one’s values is one of the key components to a purposeful and happy life.” Once you’ve had conversations about these topics and you’re on the same page about the ones that you prioritize the most, then you’re ready to take the plunge.

You’ve Overcome Rough Patches

No relationship is perfect—every couple hits a rough patch at some point. If you and your partner have dealt with difficulties and you’ve come out on the other end stronger and more in love, then you’ve proven that you are ready to get engaged. Life is always going to happen, and things are always going to go wrong, but if you’re capable of working through these issues in a mature and respectful manner, then you’ll be able to withstand any marital stress in the future.

People Are Asking About a Future Engagement

Sometimes, other people can tell an engagement is coming before you do. If many people are asking you when it will happen and everyone thinks it’s a done deal, then it’s a pretty good indication that you’re on the path toward marriage. Of course, you’ll want to take some individuals’ opinions with a grain of salt, but if your trusted loved ones can see it, then your partnership is probably strong enough to take that next step.

How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Engaged?

Although the above signs indicate that you and your partner have a strong enough foundation to get engaged, the last thing you want to do is rush your decision. There is no concrete rule that specifies the exact time to propose, but dating for at least one year before taking the next step is correlated with more successful marriages. In fact, the longer you’re together before popping the question, the better your chances are at a long-lasting union—those who get engaged after three or more years are 39 percent less likely to get divorced than those who date for just one year. On average, couples date for about 2.5 years before committing to one another for a lifetime.

Overall, Saad says you and your partner should both want a future life together, feel emotionally ready, and believe it’s the right choice before taking the plunge. It’s also important to make sure that the honeymoon phase has passed. During the early stages of your relationship, changes to your hormones might cause you to have rose colored glasses, meaning that you magnify your partner’s admirable qualities and overlook any red flags. The honeymoon phase lasts between six months and two years, but it’s usually on the shorter end of the spectrum.